I am a baby.
I’m 61 years old, but I am a baby. I am a baby in my study of God’s word. I am a baby in my journey with God. I have considered myself to be a Christian for most of my adult life and, by default, most of my childhood…not counting a time of extreme and prolonged anger towards God following my parents’ divorce when I was fifteen. Yet, even during this time of anger and proclaiming that I didn’t believe there was a God because of my pain, I knew deep down that God was there and loved me unconditionally…He loved me enough to let me be so angry with Him. Just like a parent will always love her child even in the midst of the child’s temper tantrum.
I was and am that baby.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I have never read the Bible…never studied the Bible…never delved into His word in order to get to know Him. I have looked up specific verses to support my opinion on a particular topic or to find comfort in troubled times, but I have never turned to the Bible to simply learn about God’s character…to get to know Him.
I am a baby.
Recently, I went to lunch with a young woman that I had gotten to know while we were volunteering at the Street Store. We had tried to meet for lunch several times over the past couple of years, but the timing was never quite right. Finally, our schedules matched up and we were able to meet up. I knew this woman had a deep faith in God, but I had no idea how much her faith and joy in God would wash over onto me. I felt such a strong nudging in my spirit and soul to truly seek out a better understanding of who God is and to commit to a relationship with Him.
I am a baby.
I started researching bible study books and bible apps in order to follow this nudging. Those closest to me know that when I’m interested in something…mostly art style related…I become consumed by it. I love researching and learning…so much so that I will often burn myself out on the given topic. So…I sought out a close friend and cousin I knew to have a strong faith in God to do the Bible study with…someone to hold me accountable to sticking to the study. She, in turn, reached out to a good friend of hers to join us. So now I’m in three different Bible studies with them collectively and individually with these three women. I am learning so much…I’m inspired…I’m energized.
I am a baby.
These three women have been such a strong influence on me and so supportive of my baby steps. I look up to them. I’m learning from them. They each pray with such confidence and eloquence. They live their lives with such conviction and integrity. They invite and allow God’s light to radiate through them with humility and grace. I look at each of them and say to myself, “I want what they have. I want that kind of relationship with God. I want to radiate God’s love. I want to learn how to hear and trust the voice of God in my own life”. As I take these baby steps, they remind me that God’s timing is perfect. That God is a God of love…that He is faithful…that He knows me intimately… and still loves me. They remind me that I am a child of God. They remind that it’s okay to be vulnerable.
I am a baby and I am so inspired, moved, challenged and motivated to be just like these women…my “big sisters”. I am so grateful that God has put them in my life.
