Could You Be a Hero...All by Yourself?

     Parenthood is one of the hardest jobs one could ever have – if not the hardest.  I have been a waitress, a concession stand worker, a food server, a part-time receptionist, a cashier, a teacher, a custodian, a travel agent (of sorts)… and a parent.  None of these jobs have required the same amount of energy, stress and joy as parenthood.   Throughout my “employment” as a parent, I have been blessed to have a strong, sensitive, caring, and intelligent partner by my side.  Together, we have survived stressful and potentially-dangerous pregnancies and deliveries, as well as…dirty diapers, colic, night terrors, well baby visits, sick baby visits, teething, ear infections and tubes, strep throat, scarlet fever (with quarantine), mono (with quarantine) , nail-in-foot, squished-finger-in-door, stitches, broken bones, hurt feelings, broken hearts, teenage hormones, teenage romances, fender benders, emergency appendicitis surgery, shots, cavities, wisdom teeth removals, little league baseball games, tennis matches, cross country matches, academic team matches,  band performances, chorus performances,  SATs, ACTs, college applications, job applications, scholarship applications, award ceremonies, field days, parent-teacher conferences, birthdays, and graduations.  I’m sure there are many more events that I am leaving out and so many more to come!  Through all of these milestones, we have been partners…equals.     

     However, you and I both know of some very strong, loving and tireless parents who have tackled these same milestones and possibly more… by themselves.  Some of these parents are flying solo because of divorce, death of spouse, military deployments, incarceration, personal choice, or the sperm-donor/egg-carrier is just not interested in participating in his/her child’s life – an attitude that continues to elude me. 

      These single parent heroes struggle with all the day-to-day challenges that  two parent families experience - only to be demonized, labeled  and stereotyped by politicians and many other narrow-minded individuals as burdens to society, lazy, immoral, uneducated, and selfish.  I dare say that most of these hate-filled people have spouses and/or nannies to raise their children or support them along the way.   I dare say that most of these shallow-minded people will never have to choose between food or medicine for their children.  I dare say that none of these “concerned Americans” have ever had to set aside their feelings of self-worth and pride to ask for help for their children.   Yet, somehow, they feel that they are in a position to pass judgment on these single parents. They feel that they know what these single parents are going through. They feel that they know what’s best for these single parents and their children.  I dare say that none of these “well-meaning” citizens has ever had to endure the condescending looks and whispers of people like themselves.
   
   I write all of this simply to ask that before you look down your nose at that young parent using the food stamp debit card at the store or presenting the Medicaid card at the doctor's office and start making assumptions about her manicure (courtesy of gift certificate from friend), his children’s clothes and shoes (smart shopping at thrift stores/gifts from friends and family), her hair style (result of bartering/trade of babysitting with hair dresser), his car (loan from family member), or the type of food in the grocery cart (child’s birthday and they can’t stand to disappoint) –  look inside your own heart and find some compassion and empathy. 

Try to put yourself in his/her shoes…would you….could you…do it alone?
Would you...could you be a hero...all by yourself?