Walls

I sit at my table and wage war on myself
It seems like it's all, it's all for nothing
I know the barricades, and
I know the mortar in the wall breaks
I recognize the weapons, I used them well

 

~World Leader Pretend

R.E.M.

 

 

Mornings...

Carefully, I measure the sugar and creamer into my coffee. Gently, yet deliberately, I stir. As I watch myself, the hand and actions look vaguely familiar. This hand is younger; the movements, not as skillful. It is then that I realize that I am slowly and easily becoming more like my Mama. This makes me smile.

The Gift

I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.  ~Dr. Haim Ginott

I have been teaching now for twenty-one years…twenty-one long, challenging and extremely rewarding years.  During this time, I have seen many changes in education - on  local, state, and  national levels.  I have taught through a number of administrative changes – from principals, superintendents, governors and presidents.  They all seem to come and go, but here I remain…same little town, same little school. My journey is with these students…these siblings and, now, children of former students.

After so many years, I have come to know their stories - their struggles, their triumphs, their challenges, and their celebrations.  I have seen their tears and heard their laughter.  I have felt both their anger and their hugs.  Even the children and families I am meeting for the very first time…their stories are familiar.

All teachers know these stories because that’s what we do…we listen, we watch, we wait, we nudge, …we are present.

Over the past twenty-one years, I have had children who were homeless, hungry, abandoned, ignored, angry, violated, and medically fragile.  I have conferenced with parents who were discouraged, addicted, overwhelmed, suicidal, and illiterate.  Despite all these barriers, my job remains to educate these children –to motivate, encourage, support, inspire, and nurture them. But, like Chicago teacher, Allie Griffin…

"I teach…. because I leave my job every day knowing that I gave a lot, but was given [so much] more".

I Think She Deserved Better...

Noneal Davenport

My mama died of metastatic breast cancer two years and seven months ago.  She was a wonderful, gentle, kind and talented woman who worked hard raising four children and three step-children.  She also worked as a graphic artist for her own business and, later, as a substitute teacher for special ed classes.

 However, for 20+ years, she did not have health insurance, until she reached age 65, due to several serious pre-existing health conditions.  She did not go to the ER for sore throats and ear infections.  She worked hard to pay her bills to specialists, hospitals, and surgeons.  There were a number of times that her concerns and symptoms were overlooked by doctors because the tests she needed were too costly for someone without insurance.  As a result, I believe that the health care she was able to pay for out of pocket was inferior and sub-standard. 

I wish that she had been able to get the health coverage she deserved - regardless of her pre-existing conditions.  I wish that her many mammograms had been covered 100%.  I wish that she was alive today. 

If I take to heart some of the articles, posts and comments I’ve read in the past 24 hours, these wishes make me a “moron”, a “socialist”, a “bleeding heart”, an “imbecile”, and “brain – washed”.  And, apparently, my mama’s lack of health coverage made her a lazy, mooching, good-for-nothing low-life who got what she deserved…death.

 Luckily, I don’t believe everything I read, but… it still cuts me to the quick. 

Soothe the Savage Soul...

Sit back and enjoy some good music!

Now I Become Myself :: The search for vocation, by Parker Palmer

Now I Become Myself :: The search for vocation, by Parker Palmer

Hindsight...

Hindsight..., a photo by Margaret Zimmer on Flickr.

Southern Mannequin

Southern Mannequin...Instagram, a photo by Margaret Zimmer on Flickr.

snow in georgia...

, a photo by Margaret Zimmer on Flickr.

With His Own Two Hands...

With His Own Two Hands..., a photo by Margaret Zimmer on Flickr.

Sidewalk drawing by C.L.

It's a Matter of Trust...

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.

~George MacDonald

 It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.

~Unknown

 He, who does not trust enough, will not be trusted. 

~Lao Tzu

          Forgive me and indulge me as I state the obvious – trust is everything. Trust is what decent society depends on to succeed.  Trust is what binds us together.  Trust is a prerequisite for love. Trust is a requirement of friendship. Trust is a precondition to respect. Trust is innate. Trust is non-negotiable. Trust is an absolute.

As infants, we trust our parents to provide food, warmth, safety, shelter and love.

As children, we trust our siblings with our first secrets.

As teenagers, we trust our first loves with our hearts.

As parents, we trust our children to others.

As adults, we trust our spouses with our laughter and our tears.

And the list goes on…

We trust doctors to heal us.

We trust bankers with our money.

We trust mechanics with our cars.

We trust politicians with our future. 

We trust teachers to prepare us. 

We trust weathermen to inform us. 

We trust policemen to protect us.

We trust others to be decent people.

It is the foundation of all human relationships and interactions.

 We love. We respect. We trust.

            But what happens when this foundation of trust breaks down?  What happens when we come across someone who does not recognize the value of trust?

– Someone who is incapable of or unwilling to value and protect this foundation of trust? 

-Someone who seems to take pleasure in breaking down this foundation of trust?

-Someone who does not seem to understand that trust requires a mutual relationship? 

-Someone who expects to be trusted without earning it or returning it?

-Someone who expects it, but does not treasure it?

-Someone who is missing this innate ability to trust?

            What is his/her place in society?  What is his/her place in our lives?  Do we let him in?  Do we let her stay? I do not know the answers to my own questions.  I suppose the answers are particular to each situation.  Is this person…your child...your spouse…your sibling…your pastor…your parent…your co-worker…your neighbor?  Can you live without them?  Can you live without trust?  Can you live without that foundation? 
            What I do know and believe is that trust is everything.  I do know that as humans we are born to love and trust each other.  I know …

   Without trust, there is nothing.

~Unknown

                                       

One Teacher's Thoughts

     There are many issues that impact public education today, and depending on which politician, teacher or news channel you listened to this morning, there are countless contradicting causes, effects and solutions. I believe budget cuts, achievement gaps and lack of parental support to be among the most pressing concerns. However, the most disturbing issue for me is the lack of legislative support for teachers. It seems that every time I turn on the television or read a newspaper, there is yet another politician degrading the teaching profession. These policy-makers never step into a classroom except to take advantage of an election year photo-op. Nor, do these educated individuals ever hesitate to share a heart-warming story about dear old Mrs. Second-grade Teacher, who made such a difference in his/her life. Yet, these same educated policy-makers seem to have no concept of the compassion and dedication for her profession and students that enabled Mrs. Second-grade Teacher to motivate her students. One cannot help but wonder if these future politicians were absent the days that their dear old teacher taught the Golden Rule.

      I do not know the cause of such narrow-minded thinking from educated individuals. I can only suggest that this current trend of blaming teachers for everything from the national debt to immoral children is due to the fact that so many of the teachers in America are so involved and so focused on their students that they do not have the time or energy left at the end of the day to defend themselves. Maybe we are too stunned by the over-simplified descriptions of our roles and duties to respond. Or, perhaps, it is the disbelief that our collective gifts and talents are so misunderstood and unappreciated that keeps us quiet. Whatever the cause, it is our children who suffer.

     The education system in the United States is often compared to the educational systems found in other countries and seems to comes up lacking. When I see the test scores and other data used by politicians to prove this deficiency, I also look for some mention of the professional status of teachers. Most of these other countries have a reverence for educators that is unheard of here in America. Parents, students and politicians see teachers as crucial partners in their children’s and country’s future. I fear that our policy-makers do not see our children as teachers see them – as fragile, precious and priceless individuals. These children are seen, instead, as a commodity – a something for politicians to use at their discretion to trade and bargain for a more important agenda.

       How do we solve this problem? I offer this solution with both a sense of hope and cynicism. I hope that someone will see the truth in what I write and implement my suggestion. Yet, I feel that my solution is oversimplified and, perhaps, even naive. There is a desperate need to educate our politicians about the teaching profession and our students. I would like to see our policy-makers in the classrooms, engaged in meaningful, time-consuming, heart-lifting and heart-breaking activities – mentoring low socio-economic children, teaching remedial lessons to below-grade level students, assisting with homework in afterschool programs, re-shelving books in our media centers, and serving the only meals that some of our children receive. I challenge these politicians to refrain from cutting another penny from a school budget or offering up another self-serving sound bite about teachers and education until they have taken the opportunity to walk in a teacher’s shoes and allow themselves, instead, to be educated by our nation’s children.

Could You Be a Hero...All by Yourself?

     Parenthood is one of the hardest jobs one could ever have – if not the hardest.  I have been a waitress, a concession stand worker, a food server, a part-time receptionist, a cashier, a teacher, a custodian, a travel agent (of sorts)… and a parent.  None of these jobs have required the same amount of energy, stress and joy as parenthood.   Throughout my “employment” as a parent, I have been blessed to have a strong, sensitive, caring, and intelligent partner by my side.  Together, we have survived stressful and potentially-dangerous pregnancies and deliveries, as well as…dirty diapers, colic, night terrors, well baby visits, sick baby visits, teething, ear infections and tubes, strep throat, scarlet fever (with quarantine), mono (with quarantine) , nail-in-foot, squished-finger-in-door, stitches, broken bones, hurt feelings, broken hearts, teenage hormones, teenage romances, fender benders, emergency appendicitis surgery, shots, cavities, wisdom teeth removals, little league baseball games, tennis matches, cross country matches, academic team matches,  band performances, chorus performances,  SATs, ACTs, college applications, job applications, scholarship applications, award ceremonies, field days, parent-teacher conferences, birthdays, and graduations.  I’m sure there are many more events that I am leaving out and so many more to come!  Through all of these milestones, we have been partners…equals.     

     However, you and I both know of some very strong, loving and tireless parents who have tackled these same milestones and possibly more… by themselves.  Some of these parents are flying solo because of divorce, death of spouse, military deployments, incarceration, personal choice, or the sperm-donor/egg-carrier is just not interested in participating in his/her child’s life – an attitude that continues to elude me. 

      These single parent heroes struggle with all the day-to-day challenges that  two parent families experience - only to be demonized, labeled  and stereotyped by politicians and many other narrow-minded individuals as burdens to society, lazy, immoral, uneducated, and selfish.  I dare say that most of these hate-filled people have spouses and/or nannies to raise their children or support them along the way.   I dare say that most of these shallow-minded people will never have to choose between food or medicine for their children.  I dare say that none of these “concerned Americans” have ever had to set aside their feelings of self-worth and pride to ask for help for their children.   Yet, somehow, they feel that they are in a position to pass judgment on these single parents. They feel that they know what these single parents are going through. They feel that they know what’s best for these single parents and their children.  I dare say that none of these “well-meaning” citizens has ever had to endure the condescending looks and whispers of people like themselves.
   
   I write all of this simply to ask that before you look down your nose at that young parent using the food stamp debit card at the store or presenting the Medicaid card at the doctor's office and start making assumptions about her manicure (courtesy of gift certificate from friend), his children’s clothes and shoes (smart shopping at thrift stores/gifts from friends and family), her hair style (result of bartering/trade of babysitting with hair dresser), his car (loan from family member), or the type of food in the grocery cart (child’s birthday and they can’t stand to disappoint) –  look inside your own heart and find some compassion and empathy. 

Try to put yourself in his/her shoes…would you….could you…do it alone?
Would you...could you be a hero...all by yourself?

 

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes

The Best Medicine...

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale. Will Durst


I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. Yakov Smirnoff

Laughter is an instant vacation.
Milton Berle

Laughter is inner jogging.
Norman Cousins

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. Stephen King

         

         It happened again last night …and again this morning.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  My stomach muscles tightened and hurt terribly.  I couldn’t speak.  Tears streamed down my face and, finally, I was left exhausted.  You might ask…what in the world was wrong with me.    I was hit by an intense, incredible, and uncontrollable wave of laughter.  A fit of laughter over the dumbest things…if you ask my family.  You see, anything can set me off…pictures on the internet, characters in books (Grandma Mazur gets me every time), comic strips (especially Gary Larson), and test answers from my students. 

          Most of the time, these outbursts are more private occurrences – at home, surrounded by eye-rolling family members.  However, I have been caught off guard in public before.  In fact, that’s how I got my first Far Side book – I was limp and laughing hysterically on the floor of a bookstore in Iowa City when my future mother-in-law grabbed the book out of my hands, paid for it and asked me to wait outside for everyone else. 
          When I’m in a dry spell, I laugh at my own corny jokes…a lot!  This always leads to more eye-rolling and sighing!

          I love these moments.  It is a total surrender of worry, stress, pain, grief, anxiety, and all other daily negatives.  I am left filled with hope, happiness, and a wonderful lightness in my soul.   

          So, have a laugh on me, but these may not do anything for you.   Feel free to leave comments, pictures and links to what makes you giggle. 

Just as long as you’re laughing.  J

Power...Karma...Ripples and Pity

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character,

give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

            Those of you that know me, or have read some of my previous posts, know that I spend enormous amounts of time around children…gentle, kind, loving children. Yet, like all humans, these precious little people can also be mean, vindictive, and cruel, but, luckily, these behaviors rarely show themselves.  But, alas…I cannot say the same for adults... ones I read about in the news and, fortunately, rarely deal with in my personal life. 

            When I was in college, I was fascinated by my Psychology classes.  I loved the  study of human behavior… and I still do.  The longer I teach and the older I get, the more I find myself becoming more of an observer of human behavior, both in and out of the classroom, than a participant in everyday interactions and I have begun to notice some interesting patterns and similarities in the people I encounter on a daily basis, as well as the people I read about and hear about in the news.  

            One of the most interesting, disturbing, yet personally relevant human behaviors I have come in contact with lately is the abuse of power.  I see its disturbing and intoxicating effects all around me.    Like all of us, I have dealt with individuals who have aggressively pursued and achieved power over family members, friends, co-workers, and even larger groups of people.

             I believe that a person’s true character is revealed when he/she is given power over another human being.  I have been blessed and humbled to witness some of the most loving and gentle spirits reflected in the everyday actions of my fellow teachers as they guide the young and fragile humans that have been put in their hands.  But lately, I have found myself disillusioned, disheartened, discouraged and dismayed by covert and overt abuses of power by individuals whose actions have drowned out any words they may attempt to speak on their own behalf. 

            I believe that every action…every decision has a ripple effect – positive and negative.  It affects our family and friends, so every abuse of power touches beyond its intended victim…it ripples out to the spouse, the children, the parents, the friends, the students and the co-workers. 

            Because of this belief…I feel overwhelming pity for these people because, one day, Karma will visit them.

Karma will not be kind because they were not kind.

Karma will not be gentle because they were not gentle.

 Karma will be thoughtless, vindictive, shallow, petty, judgmental and determined because…

 I cannot imagine a more powerless feeling than watching a loved one suffer because of my Karma. 

Karma will be powerful….and it will ripple. 

Noni...

Artwork by Noneal Johnson Archer Davenport

My Hippie Heart



 Caroline Zimmer Photography



I wish you a new year filled with loving companionship, happiness,  good health, adventure, tenderness, laughter, and peace.